Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Tibi Tibi

My sister and I had made some form of a jargon ( originally from ciarina, popularized and deconstucted by me and my sister ) which was, "Tibi-Tibi". Tibi Tibi is a term used when one says a statement that is not pure in its intent but has hidden meaning for personal agenda or personal gain.

Example, " well he told me I looked pretty in my dress ( told in a nonchalant, matter-of-fact way )"...( real message would be: He really likes me, not that pretty woman over there. ) Tibi Tibi!!!

Another one, a status on facebook: " Saul converted to Paul after...( hidden motive: to convince a love interest ( who is also a very active facebook user ) named , "Paul" that he can "change" his ways ) ... Tibi Tibi!!!

Anyway, I realize that a Filipino term to contrast tibi-tibi would be, "Magpakatotoo ka, sister ! " ( popularized by Sprite commercial )

A lot of people utilize words that others still need to unlock. We all love mystery, don't we?


The danger of this is if we decode messages wrongly. Like we simply assume. That would be hard. How many times have I assumed that a man likes me then later to realize he already has a girlfriend or a crush on someone else...?hhhmm...

***

unconsciously, we tell people of "praise report" or our "God-given revelation", thinking it would be something that would "glorify God"...but the truth is, we are in the state of "tibi-tibi". This is actually so people would think of us as someone "spiritual"...and then " spiritual pride " takes in...it was actually to "glorify ourselves"

it's only the people who have the spirit of discernment that know when tibi-tibi occurs and when the real, sincere worship and praise happens...

***

I personally don't know the reason why we have chosen such an ugly term as "tibi-tibi". it sounds corny and all. but, we just sometimes don't have a Filipino term to actually fit this kind of definition of a situation. or is there? and a lot of people do this "tibi-tibi" thing. It totally is pathetic.

***

If we could only have a heart like a child,
pure
without malice
without hidden agenda

...there would be truth everywhere...
...there would be peace as we trust.







( As I was writing this blog here at SM...a child came to me closely, without a hint of shame, looked on me and what I had been doing...then asked, "Asa diay ka puyo, te? ( Where do you live? )...then that led more of her telling me how far her mother was...that her mother only took her brother...and...her eyes told me how her heart broke...her silence screamed like her heart of gold was about to crack...and then she told me her dad was imprisoned...It was so simple. No tibi tibi. No wonder why I adore kids. They have this simplicity and eyes that speak like what they feel, they express through them ). Rosalyn and me, above )

Sunday, March 28, 2010

MediOKAYty

Mediocrity. Ever since I was young, any sense of mediocrity in me as a person is tantamount to me being a senseless, useless person. My school project had to be clean. It had to get a 90 plus grade.
The opposite of a mediocre, according to my parents, and some people, is an “achiever”.

If you are an elementary student, you should be a “valedictorian” lest your parents will not go to your graduation. “If you perform onstage for a contest, you should be sure you’d get that trophy for THE Champion, or else, better not join the contest so as to save you from getting drowned in “shame”” , the advice of your parents.

Anything less than the best is something I should avoid. It should not be in my system. A person who is an achiever is someone who gains recognition by many. He is a famous celebrity.

But, famous I am not. I am jack of all trades master of none. I can be a nurse, a writer, a teacher, a speaker, an actress, a painter, a singer, a dancer, a pretty woman, an ordinary woman, a nice date/ conversationalist, or a person who bores you to death...yep, name them...I can be...but I can never be proud nor have the authority to say I am excellent in any one of these fields I have trudged in my life.

It’s sad. With these things being said, I can remember my suicidal classmate in college who dropped out of our freshman class, Miss J. She told me, “ I am not good at anything. I just want to jump out and die”. She would cut her wrist and do all these stupid stuff. But hey, don’t you get it? All of us struggle to be a master of at least one but not everyone can achieve that kind of desire.

And so, it has been inculcated in me that I should try harder to be someone brilliant, so I can have some form of meaning in life. Or, some form of a life lived that this generation or the next should benefit from. My name should be written in history books. My face should be seen somewhere, like printed on newspapers or on a billboard or tarpaulin.

*** Yet, I protest in this stupid rationale of being “an achiever”.

I don’t know, but. In life, we have ups and downs. We can never really win every competition we’re part of. When I was in elementary, I was the champion in two declamation contests, won two times in a school council election, and for the most part, won the titles, “best actress, best reporter” haha...( yes, CIC had a way of making me love talking and getting attention from a lot of people). However, I lost a few competitions myself, one in a P.R.O seat. And most sadly, I did not get to speak in my graduation for a “valedictory” speech because I was just the Top 6 among the 200 to 300 students.

More failures happened as I grew up. I met people who were more talented, smarter, or even physically attractive than I was. I know a lot of us know what I am talking about.

It’s just life. I don’t believe really that we have to compete among ourselves. We are simply unique.

***Back to being a “superstar”...
Countless of VERY beautiful and VERY handsome friends I have personally known get the turn of the heads of people as they pass by. And there, they get conscious.
When you are famous, you get a lot of criticism ( good or bad ). And sometimes, since people want to know you badly, they disturb your peace by investigating your personal life. Damn.

It’s the price one has to pay. I mean it’s not totally bad...after all, if you are famous, you also get the “bigger pay”, better respect, and rains of praises from people.

...On the other hand,
Sometimes,
Sacrificing fulfilment or real influence for a “name” is not worth it....
****
These thoughts emerged at the office of the President of Cebu Normal University ( CNU ) as I had been waiting for an hour now ( and another hour yesterday ) for our letter to be signed by no less than Dr. Lopez, the university president.
Ma**** Lopez, RN, Ed. D, DPA ( make that complete coz “he would like it”, a dean told me )...was our teacher before. In class, he would make jokes and stuff...He was teaching Psychiatric Nursing ( one of the hardest subjects, I’ d say ) He would tell us all the different stories of mentally ill patients. We would listen to him more than any other teacher because of his “scholastic achievements” and his repetitive bragging about his education in THE United States of America,” his country”.

After I graduated, I heard he got promoted to the highest position...

***
The secretary got out of his office and said, “your letter probably has not been signed yet and could still be on his table” as she was shuffling a bundle of papers that had just been signed by Dr. Lopez. Hmmm....I wonder, our letter could have been the 90th or 100th among the letters he had to sign.

**** Ma***** T. Lopez, RN, Ed. D, DPA...from a simple teacher to ...an official “signer”...er...university president.

Monday, March 22, 2010

SORRY

SORRY Lord.
SORRY friends.
SORRY future husband.


Won't do it again....:<

Emotional Purity...

Sunday, March 21, 2010

SNICKERS Almond Bar

Have you ever had that feeling when you know you should avoid or hate it even but it feels so good that you fail to let it go?


My brother and I have just had a date here at SM. We did not talk much. After we were done eating, he handed me Snickers. I was, "you did really buy this, huh"? Besides the high price of the chocolate, what actually shocked me was that, amidst our trying to lose weight, he afforded to purchase this sweet, yummy, almondy, stretchy, chocie...

When it landed on my tongue, Oh God. I would trade anything for that chocie feeling that came across me...It was like angels were singing heavenly songs and flowers opened their bud smiling at me...as if the whole painful world melted and became that sweet, sticky brownish chocie with almonds swimming in it...I plead to my brother to give me all the pieces...( he didn't hmm...he must have felt this chocie feeling too hehe ...but he lovingly gave me the best, biggest part ( my darling brother ))

....
These past days, I have been thinking about this new person. yes, new. Oh my heart, tell me, how many times are you gonna beat?

He was not that same person I blogged about. I had been trying to shoo him...as a matter of fact, became "weirdly" snobbish just so he would not even care to think I existed.

I did not like that he was too smart, cute, passionate, confident, admirable, funny...financially stable. Tug Tug Tug ( suddenly my heart leaped ) I did not like my heart to leap that high. It had been sleeping peacefully for years...Please, you, stay away!

His historical relationship records showed he had dated a couple of women, engaged to one, broken his heart many times...flirted with many....

Good reasons to stay away, hate him...


...But tell me,

why have I been looking on my cell phone, hoping he's texted again?

***

Snickers nutrition fact:
Calories 230
Fat Calories 100
Total Fat 11 g
Cholesterol 5 mg

and..I smelled the remnants of the Snickers sticking bit by bit on its plastic, imagining the taste of it in my mouth.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Tragedy on Declamation

For hours of googling, I haven't found a declamation piece worthy to be delivered. i'm almost pissed. Why do these pieces have to be corny, or so tragic to be realistic, anyway? Does it really appeal if the speech is so horribly bloody dramatic?? Take the case of "Murderess" or "Juvenile Delinquent"...and do people really think declamations are only for tots or teenagers to have the theme of "poor child", "beggar child, "bad girl", "bad sister" ( Sister's Trouble---this piece is one of the most awful )...Orally interpreting Literature is ART.

Where is the element of literature in here? Provide me one, please. I have to pass a piece right now. the closest one adult themed i could ever find is this:
How my heart was broken on New Year’s Eve
( http://mblackrose.diaryland.com/040412_50.html )

I know. Don't laugh.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Ang Pisu

Ang Pisu

( by Doris Ogdoc, inspired from " The Rain of Hope " Short Story )


Bilug-

Sama sa buwan nga aku'ng

gika-un matag gabi-i

Sa tiyan ku’ng nagtugtug

Sumala sa gasyagit

Nga dispatser sa jeep


Ang ulu ni Rizal-

Ang kamatayun nagpa-ambit

Sa gugma'ng dapit


Sa Pinas nga gikalimtan

Ang tumu’ng mu-ulig

Unta'g kada-ugan ug ka-ablihan

Sa mata nga nagatutuk

Sa kawad-an


Ang adlaw-

Nagpasikat ug pagla-um

Samtang aku

Naghinumdum

Kung aku ba'y makaka-un

u

Makai-inum

Sa ayswutir ni Mang Karmen

Sa ba-ba nga ug-a

Nagapangita ug ba-sa nga pagla-um

Sa sunud nga mainit nga kabuntagun



Friday, February 19, 2010

Short Story 2: The Rain of Hope

The Rain of Hope
A Short Story
By Doris Ogdoc, MA - Literature

“ Hey, get out of here!”, the ice water seller in Colon Street yelled and shooed the young boy with a long, dirty shirt, messy hair, and with a smell that implied he had not taken a bath for weeks...or months. Lino could not help himself. He had been lustfully eyeing the one peso ice water for hours under the intense, scorching heat of the sun. Trying to gulp the last ounce of saliva from his dry mouth, Lino stepped out and bowed his head- He felt the intense thirst. So intense that he had thought he would die.

He chose to be there in Sto. Niño de Basilica church where hundreds or even thousands of devout would come to pray to the church. He might convince them to be charitable enough to give him just one peso. Just one peso, he thought, and he could fill himself with that cold, satisfying, plastic-packed water of Manang Karmen.

He went to a family first. He summoned the father who was wearing a blue polo shirt and signature slacks. Opening his palms and presenting it to the father, he said, “ Sir, just to buy ice water, Sir. I’m so thirsty”. The man did not even look at him, and said “ Dong, I don’t have coins” “Sir, please sir...” And the man left with his family. He took his daughter to a store nearby that was selling a fancy pencil, with long, pink feathers attached to it. “ Do you like this? “, the father asked. “Yes”, his daughter replied. “ How much? “. “ Only 30 pesos”.”Okay, let me have one”. Lino felt betrayed. The man did not care if he died, but he cared giving his daughter a pencil worthy of display. Lino bowed his head again, and walked.

Thankfully, he had his “tsinelas” ( slippers ) to wear as he was wandering the vicinity of Colon Street. Or else, He might have burned the soles of his feet. It has not rained for about three months now in Cebu City. They said there was Global Warming. But, a lot thought the city has been cursed by God. It was unusual that no rain would occur for a three month time now. It has been on the news. Cebu City has been cursed by God. Lino wondered if, he, too was part of God’s curse.

One religious person often visited them, the street children. There have been lots of preachers roaming around Cebu. Some of them could be seen with big microphones in front of The Gaisano mall. Their constituents would ask for money or offering to the people. Yet, Trisha, that was her name, would give them bread once in awhile, tell them stories about Jesus. Lino was not actually interested of hearing them. He was too tired to care about other people and their stories. He goes to Trisha for her bread.

They haven’t seen her for weeks now. “This city is really cursed”, Lino muttered. Could God abandon him? “ Pray Lino, and you will get your answers”, Trisha had said. Pray? What for? A lot of people pray in church. I hate them. They cannot even give me one peso!

Anyway, out of desperation, he closed his eyes, and said, “ God, give me one peso, so I could buy that ice water over there ( pointing to Manang Karmen’s store ).”

He opened his eyes and saw a white man—a foreigner with a Filipina who had long, black hair with him. He looked at him and begged. The man smiled, took his wallet, and gave him a five-peso coin! He jumped for joy inside. “Thank God!” ...But his joy only lasted for a short time.

Marko saw him while the white man was giving him the money. Marko was much older and bigger. He took Lino’s hand and tried to ask him the coin. “No!”, Lino screamed. He dragged him to a place near Magellan’s Cross. Marko pushed Lino hard that he was knocked down immediately. His frame was so thin that a slight push could bring him down so easily. He firmly clutched the five peso coin inside his small, fragile hand. The tight of his fist’s hold could break a glass. “ Give me the money, or you will die!”, Marko threatened him. He was not easy to give up. For the second time, he screamed, “ No!”.

Marko started kicking him on the butt, on the legs ,on the body. He could not move. His whole body ached. Marko then punched him on the face and tried to take hold of the five-peso coin from his palm. He punched him so hard on the face that it almost left Lino unconscious. Marko took the five-peso coin.

Lino sobbed.

His cry was not loud. He was thirsty, tired, hurt, bruised, and was under the heat of the sun that burned his body, and fried his bones. He really felt that it was better for him to die than suffer like that. He tried to lick his dry and wounded lips, and tasted blood. He could not close his eyes. Marko punched it so hard that he felt it was swelling immediately. He sobbed. God must have forgotten him.

The clouds started to cover the sun as “Potot” approached Lino. No one really called him by his real name. And No one knew his real name. Everybody called him Potot because he was so tiny...And ugly. And the dirtiest among them all. He had no shirt on nor a pair of Tsinelas. He was so tiny, dirty, shirtless, and the one who always felt cheery, showing shamelessly his toothless smile.

Last week, Potot’s mother died. They said she died in her sleep. Potot would say “ Jesus took her with Him in heaven “.

“There is no hunger there”, Trisha would describe heaven. Lino felt envious of Potot’s mother.

“Go away, Potot!”, Lino scowled at him. He hated his presence especially that he was in a state like that. Potot searched for the place if anyone was looking around. He placed something in Lino’s hand. He felt it. He knew what it was without even looking at it. That has been the thing people would usually give him except that day. “Why are you giving me this?!” Actually, he felt shameful... Potot could not be giving me his only one peso coin!

“Before Nanay died, she said “Give and you shall receive more”. Gi-atay, Lino thought. Why such faith? He did not understand that. But, he was convinced that Potot really believed that.

He stood up, walked to Manang Karmen’s store with the one peso Potot had given him in his hand.

Then the clouds darkened, the atmosphere slowly took away the heat that has enveloped the city. The blaze shifted to dying embers. Droplets of heavy rain fell.

Lino drank the ice water hungrily. He allowed the rain to caress his head then to his arms and into the soles of his feet. The coolness of every single drop soothes the pain of the sun that has smouldered his body unto his soul. It drenched him and satisfied his thirst for that rain of hope that he thought had left them. He looked up. His eyes glowed, and a smile was drawn on his entire countenance.





***End Of Short Story***
Correspondence in Ogdoc’s Short Story, “The Rain of Hope”
A Genre Crossing from Poem to Short Story

The Rain of Hope is a story about a street kid named Lino, who first believes that God has abandoned him, yet later found some hope in the end. In a time of drought in Cebu City, his only goal on a certain day was to drink a cold, ice water. He only hoped to have a one peso coin in order to buy the water and satisfy his extreme thirst. However, in a really bad twist of fate, certain people did not give him money on that day. And when a foreigner gave him a five-peso coin, another street kid who was bigger and stronger than him, Marko, robbed him of his money.

The drought is symbolic of a curse among the people. The people, even those “religious” people who went to church in Sto. Niño Basilica could not even spare a peso coin for a kid who only desired to drink. The people had been focused on themselves to the point of buying unnecessary or the not basic stuff in life, such as a “fancy pencil only worthy of display”. Their greed was the reason why God had placed a curse in Cebu City, even though it was a city that was filled with seemingly religious people.

When “Potot”, an unlikely character to contain hope appeared, the “clouds covered the sun”. He had all the reasons to lose hope- his mother had just died, he was the least to possess anything than other street kids ( one who was shirtless and did not have slippers ), yet his strong faith in God made him filled with joy and hope. Most of all, he was the person who gave the “one-peso” coin, the one he ONLY had, to Lino. The act of selflessness opened the end of the curse that God has given through a drought.

Lino prayed for a peso coin and got it. The rain fell in the end, which is symbolic of renewed hope. It is symbolic that Lino’s belief of God’s abandonment of him is wrong. And that God actually thinks of him and hasn’t forgotten him.




***
In relation to the poem, The Search, which talks about a longing to have what the author desires in her heart, The Rain of Hope, is also a story of a boy who only does a lot of things just to get what he needs for that day. Both of them, however, put emphasis on divine intervention. The author of the poem and the main character of the story believe that it is in not in their power to get these things that they desire. For example, in the poem, the author’s lack of ability pushes her to pray for God to inspire her and give her that talent she knows she has but needs to improve on. In the short story as well, the situation of Lino, him being so poor and the people around being greedy, in addition to the drought, do not give any chance for him to satisfy his extreme thirst. The author and character believe that they cannot produce the resolution to their predicament because of the circumstances, so they look unto a Higher power for help and answers.