Feb 8 Monologue

met with Yana here at JY
to chat and remember
God, give Him honor
love Him more than anything

let her talk about how good
God had been,
that
He had not abandoned her,
ordered her walk...

She asked Him to give her grace
to choose
His decisions for her life.

Sometimes,
felt no good to teach His words
yet
believed that
It was Him who
gave
Him
worked
Him
and only
Him
That
deserved...

***
roamed at JY
did not know it had Wifi.
had planned to go to SM
using Time writing
and thinking
and
again,
thinking
as always
and has always been...

***

so sat at Angelica
with the black, brewed coffee
looked anything noteworthy
on the net and everything else

the coffee now cold
sweeping the bittertaste
on my taste buds

People coming in
Not wanting to let them
see this form of privacy

Yet I guess
felt like an invisible
like I have always been
like I have always been...

***
did not blame them
did not blame myself, either
weird.eccentric.enigmatic.
words I'd remember
people used
to describe me...

felt not different
not special
or anything deserving
be put on pedestal

yet again
yet again
weird.eccentric.enigmatic.

a psychologist friend
He had said
could not stop
himself from saying,
only rare
my kind is rare

"What kind?", I asked.
Said...heroic, brave...
a DNA of someone historic

did not believe him
nothing in me was worthy
to be called heroic

took personality tests
and unexpectedly
my kind of personality
was that of
two to four percent only
in the race of humanity...

***
my battery almost empty
had to sip
the last ounce
of the bitter, cold, black
coffee