Tibi Tibi

My sister and I had made some form of a jargon ( originally from ciarina, popularized and deconstucted by me and my sister ) which was, "Tibi-Tibi". Tibi Tibi is a term used when one says a statement that is not pure in its intent but has hidden meaning for personal agenda or personal gain.

Example, " well he told me I looked pretty in my dress ( told in a nonchalant, matter-of-fact way )"...( real message would be: He really likes me, not that pretty woman over there. ) Tibi Tibi!!!

Another one, a status on facebook: " Saul converted to Paul after...( hidden motive: to convince a love interest ( who is also a very active facebook user ) named , "Paul" that he can "change" his ways ) ... Tibi Tibi!!!

Anyway, I realize that a Filipino term to contrast tibi-tibi would be, "Magpakatotoo ka, sister ! " ( popularized by Sprite commercial )

A lot of people utilize words that others still need to unlock. We all love mystery, don't we?


The danger of this is if we decode messages wrongly. Like we simply assume. That would be hard. How many times have I assumed that a man likes me then later to realize he already has a girlfriend or a crush on someone else...?hhhmm...

***

unconsciously, we tell people of "praise report" or our "God-given revelation", thinking it would be something that would "glorify God"...but the truth is, we are in the state of "tibi-tibi". This is actually so people would think of us as someone "spiritual"...and then " spiritual pride " takes in...it was actually to "glorify ourselves"

it's only the people who have the spirit of discernment that know when tibi-tibi occurs and when the real, sincere worship and praise happens...

***

I personally don't know the reason why we have chosen such an ugly term as "tibi-tibi". it sounds corny and all. but, we just sometimes don't have a Filipino term to actually fit this kind of definition of a situation. or is there? and a lot of people do this "tibi-tibi" thing. It totally is pathetic.

***

If we could only have a heart like a child,
pure
without malice
without hidden agenda

...there would be truth everywhere...
...there would be peace as we trust.







( As I was writing this blog here at SM...a child came to me closely, without a hint of shame, looked on me and what I had been doing...then asked, "Asa diay ka puyo, te? ( Where do you live? )...then that led more of her telling me how far her mother was...that her mother only took her brother...and...her eyes told me how her heart broke...her silence screamed like her heart of gold was about to crack...and then she told me her dad was imprisoned...It was so simple. No tibi tibi. No wonder why I adore kids. They have this simplicity and eyes that speak like what they feel, they express through them ). Rosalyn and me, above )

MediOKAYty

Mediocrity. Ever since I was young, any sense of mediocrity in me as a person is tantamount to me being a senseless, useless person. My school project had to be clean. It had to get a 90 plus grade.
The opposite of a mediocre, according to my parents, and some people, is an “achiever”.

If you are an elementary student, you should be a “valedictorian” lest your parents will not go to your graduation. “If you perform onstage for a contest, you should be sure you’d get that trophy for THE Champion, or else, better not join the contest so as to save you from getting drowned in “shame”” , the advice of your parents.

Anything less than the best is something I should avoid. It should not be in my system. A person who is an achiever is someone who gains recognition by many. He is a famous celebrity.

But, famous I am not. I am jack of all trades master of none. I can be a nurse, a writer, a teacher, a speaker, an actress, a painter, a singer, a dancer, a pretty woman, an ordinary woman, a nice date/ conversationalist, or a person who bores you to death...yep, name them...I can be...but I can never be proud nor have the authority to say I am excellent in any one of these fields I have trudged in my life.

It’s sad. With these things being said, I can remember my suicidal classmate in college who dropped out of our freshman class, Miss J. She told me, “ I am not good at anything. I just want to jump out and die”. She would cut her wrist and do all these stupid stuff. But hey, don’t you get it? All of us struggle to be a master of at least one but not everyone can achieve that kind of desire.

And so, it has been inculcated in me that I should try harder to be someone brilliant, so I can have some form of meaning in life. Or, some form of a life lived that this generation or the next should benefit from. My name should be written in history books. My face should be seen somewhere, like printed on newspapers or on a billboard or tarpaulin.

*** Yet, I protest in this stupid rationale of being “an achiever”.

I don’t know, but. In life, we have ups and downs. We can never really win every competition we’re part of. When I was in elementary, I was the champion in two declamation contests, won two times in a school council election, and for the most part, won the titles, “best actress, best reporter” haha...( yes, CIC had a way of making me love talking and getting attention from a lot of people). However, I lost a few competitions myself, one in a P.R.O seat. And most sadly, I did not get to speak in my graduation for a “valedictory” speech because I was just the Top 6 among the 200 to 300 students.

More failures happened as I grew up. I met people who were more talented, smarter, or even physically attractive than I was. I know a lot of us know what I am talking about.

It’s just life. I don’t believe really that we have to compete among ourselves. We are simply unique.

***Back to being a “superstar”...
Countless of VERY beautiful and VERY handsome friends I have personally known get the turn of the heads of people as they pass by. And there, they get conscious.
When you are famous, you get a lot of criticism ( good or bad ). And sometimes, since people want to know you badly, they disturb your peace by investigating your personal life. Damn.

It’s the price one has to pay. I mean it’s not totally bad...after all, if you are famous, you also get the “bigger pay”, better respect, and rains of praises from people.

...On the other hand,
Sometimes,
Sacrificing fulfilment or real influence for a “name” is not worth it....
****
These thoughts emerged at the office of the President of Cebu Normal University ( CNU ) as I had been waiting for an hour now ( and another hour yesterday ) for our letter to be signed by no less than Dr. Lopez, the university president.
Ma**** Lopez, RN, Ed. D, DPA ( make that complete coz “he would like it”, a dean told me )...was our teacher before. In class, he would make jokes and stuff...He was teaching Psychiatric Nursing ( one of the hardest subjects, I’ d say ) He would tell us all the different stories of mentally ill patients. We would listen to him more than any other teacher because of his “scholastic achievements” and his repetitive bragging about his education in THE United States of America,” his country”.

After I graduated, I heard he got promoted to the highest position...

***
The secretary got out of his office and said, “your letter probably has not been signed yet and could still be on his table” as she was shuffling a bundle of papers that had just been signed by Dr. Lopez. Hmmm....I wonder, our letter could have been the 90th or 100th among the letters he had to sign.

**** Ma***** T. Lopez, RN, Ed. D, DPA...from a simple teacher to ...an official “signer”...er...university president.

SORRY

SORRY Lord.
SORRY friends.
SORRY future husband.


Won't do it again....:<

Emotional Purity...

SNICKERS Almond Bar

Have you ever had that feeling when you know you should avoid or hate it even but it feels so good that you fail to let it go?


My brother and I have just had a date here at SM. We did not talk much. After we were done eating, he handed me Snickers. I was, "you did really buy this, huh"? Besides the high price of the chocolate, what actually shocked me was that, amidst our trying to lose weight, he afforded to purchase this sweet, yummy, almondy, stretchy, chocie...

When it landed on my tongue, Oh God. I would trade anything for that chocie feeling that came across me...It was like angels were singing heavenly songs and flowers opened their bud smiling at me...as if the whole painful world melted and became that sweet, sticky brownish chocie with almonds swimming in it...I plead to my brother to give me all the pieces...( he didn't hmm...he must have felt this chocie feeling too hehe ...but he lovingly gave me the best, biggest part ( my darling brother ))

....
These past days, I have been thinking about this new person. yes, new. Oh my heart, tell me, how many times are you gonna beat?

He was not that same person I blogged about. I had been trying to shoo him...as a matter of fact, became "weirdly" snobbish just so he would not even care to think I existed.

I did not like that he was too smart, cute, passionate, confident, admirable, funny...financially stable. Tug Tug Tug ( suddenly my heart leaped ) I did not like my heart to leap that high. It had been sleeping peacefully for years...Please, you, stay away!

His historical relationship records showed he had dated a couple of women, engaged to one, broken his heart many times...flirted with many....

Good reasons to stay away, hate him...


...But tell me,

why have I been looking on my cell phone, hoping he's texted again?

***

Snickers nutrition fact:
Calories 230
Fat Calories 100
Total Fat 11 g
Cholesterol 5 mg

and..I smelled the remnants of the Snickers sticking bit by bit on its plastic, imagining the taste of it in my mouth.

Tragedy on Declamation

For hours of googling, I haven't found a declamation piece worthy to be delivered. i'm almost pissed. Why do these pieces have to be corny, or so tragic to be realistic, anyway? Does it really appeal if the speech is so horribly bloody dramatic?? Take the case of "Murderess" or "Juvenile Delinquent"...and do people really think declamations are only for tots or teenagers to have the theme of "poor child", "beggar child, "bad girl", "bad sister" ( Sister's Trouble---this piece is one of the most awful )...Orally interpreting Literature is ART.

Where is the element of literature in here? Provide me one, please. I have to pass a piece right now. the closest one adult themed i could ever find is this:
How my heart was broken on New Year’s Eve
( http://mblackrose.diaryland.com/040412_50.html )

I know. Don't laugh.

Ang Pisu

Ang Pisu

( by Doris Ogdoc, inspired from " The Rain of Hope " Short Story )

Bilug-

Sama sa buwan nga aku'ng

gika-un matag gabi-i

Sa tiyan ku’ng nagtugtug

Sumala sa gasyagit

Nga dispatser sa jeep


Ang ulu ni Rizal-

Ang kamatayun nagpa-ambit

Sa gugma'ng dapit


Sa Pinas nga gikalimtan

Ang tumu’ng mu-ulig

Unta'g kada-ugan ug ka-ablihan

Sa mata nga nagatutuk

Sa kawad-an


Ang adlaw-

Nagpasikat ug pagla-um

Samtang aku

Naghinumdum

Kung aku ba'y makaka-un

u

Makai-inum

Sa ayswutir ni Mang Karmen

Sa ba-ba nga ug-a

Nagapangita ug ba-sa nga pagla-um

Sa sunud nga mainit nga kabuntagun