YES, SHITS! THEN WHAT?

I mark this day- July 31. Have been fighting to smile, but victory's mine. Take that, Spoiler of Joy.

At around 8:40 am, I woke up, feeling satisfied with the long hours of sleep I had had. It was my dayoff. Or so I thought. Until...

1 missed call ( from ana, my workmate ), 2 messages ( from our team leader ).

"doris, V. ( the manager ) asked me why you're absent. you're scheduled to work today...etc" " ---first message

"..you should text V..." ---second message



I cannot be very lax about me being in my position for two years now...and even with the fact that we, who remain, are only very few. I still can't get over the fact that I have missed my work day, the 3rd time. It was as if I could now not be trusted by our very stern yet wise manager.

At around 11 am, I was trying to look for my wallet with quite an amount in it. It has not been found since yesterday. When my mom knew about the loss, she was like that cursing wife of Job, making a big fuss out of it, like she just lost seven children, a home, and her whole livestock.

Got irritated I was.I felt a bit terrible, that I rested on my bed. Not minding I had my class at 12pm at CNU ( an hour ride from here ). I got up at around 1:30 pm. I had already missed my Cebuano class.

Planning to still catch up for my Spanish class, I took a bath and was preparing myself to leave. When I looked up at the clock that it was already 3pm, I was feeling too devastated, with the plete ( fare ) just for an hour class ( since I was going to be late *again) So, I decided it was not worth it, and did not push through.

I went to my room, took the guitar, sang a song or two...trying not to smash the guitar for its mistuned strings ( which by the way I had no skill to tune )...At that time, I did not want to be Type A Miss Perfection.

I strummed, plucked, and loved the mistuned strings. They were, seemingly, my friends.

Late 4pm, my mom's rant about her oh-so-burdensome-financial-problems, and my aunt's rant about her husband's, "kalami ipakamatay ani" ("it feels good to commit suicide " ) agony after lacking money to pay their workers off bombed the whole area. its sound was like 5million decibels. It ransacked my ears, brain, intestines...


I just want some peace of mind, will you...?! I am trying to write an article here.

My dad arrived, and my mom reported, "Oi 'dy! Si Doris..iyang pitaka..!!" That was it. after a short retort, I took the headphone, 100 volume.all volumes up...and listened to :

"You're closer than our trouble..."




"And do not grumble, as some of them did..." 1 Corinthians 10:10

***

We may not change the situations or circumstances, at the moment, but we can change our reactions. Listen to those who really love God..Rarely do I hear them grumble, even when they're mom is dying of cancer, or when a plate is thrown into their face because of their love for Jesus. All praises still.

The last person I want to be with is a complainer. Complaints show ingratitude of God's love and blessings.His love is enough. His love is worth it ALL.

I realize that a person is best known NOT BY HIS ACTION, but by his REACTION. Faith is really visible not when everything is fine and dandy, but when all hell breaks loose. It is when a grape is squeezed that its essence is identified.



***
a poem I had memorized when I was a grader reminded me how terrible it is to whine...

“Forgive Me When I Whine”

Today upon a bus I saw a lovely maiden with golden hair;

I envied her—so beautiful, and how, I wished I were so fair;

When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle;

She had one foot and wore a crutch,

but as she passed, she wore a smile

Oh God, forgive me when I whine,

I have two feet –the world is mine



And when I stopped to buy some sweets,

the lad who served me had such charm;

he seemed to radiate good cheer, his manner was so kind and warm;

I said, “it’s nice to deal with you, such courtesy I seldom find;”

He turned and said, “Oh, thank you sir.”

And then I saw that he was blind.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine,

I have two eyes, the world is mine.



Then when walking down the street,

I saw a child with eyes of blue;

He stood and watched the others play,

it seemed he knew not what to do;

I stopped a moment, then I said,

“Why don’t you join the others, dear?

He looked ahead without a word,

I realized –he could not hear.

Oh God, forgive me when I whine,

I have two ears, the world is mine



With feet to take me where I’d go,

with eyes to see the sunsets glow,

with ears to hear what I would know,

I am blessed indeed.

The world is mine Oh God, forgive me when I whine.