Boredom and Bravery

“Brave people may not live longer, but coward people don’t live at all.”

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I have been stuck in my house ( except when I went out for my checkup ) for the whole day. I have been sick for a couple of days now.
When I get sick like this sick, I am usually in bed ( lying down ) or in the sala drinking some liquids or eating a bit of something. Yes, if not for the lose of appetite and the increase of temperature ( leading to an increase in metabolism ), it would be safe to say I have been pigging myself.

Thanks to television, however, I realize that I could have some form of a distraction from sickness..and yes, from boredom.

A person once said that if you start to get bored, it only means that you may need to do the purpose God has given you.

Sometimes, I feel very blessed I can have much time off. I have a fixed morning shift ( 6 am to 2pm, which just fits my body clock, since I NORMALLY get up at 5am), unlike my friends who are nurses or in the call center industry where they change shift time crazily. So far, I have not been bored yet of my job. Thank God.
But honestly speaking, my life is not more about my job. I have some organizations and meetings after 2pm. Sometimes though,with all these meetings, ministry, or organization, it gets boring, especially when the people I am with don’t have the same vision and passion as I have.

Vision and passion should be moved , and it takes bravery to do so.I don’t consider myself as someone who has totally overcome any sense of insecurity or fear. I have danced solo in public with strong, powerful, jazzy kinda step, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t ask for a repetition of the song because I got so ashamed at first. Every 2nd Tuesdays for our hospital visitation ( which we get to pray for the sick in the ward at CCMC ) , I have worn a glass so that my former classmates may not recognize me ( to avoid them asking how I have gained my weight or where I work ). These kinds of activities that I have done, do, or will do are not the most convenient and comfortable...but at least I try to do them, not because I have to, but because I believe I am called to do them.

So back to the people who should share my vision and passion. I really want to hang out with people who are dreamers. I mean, those who , amidst all bleak circumstances, still believe they can be someone or can do something. People may think I am queer or just pure ambitious, but I dream a lot. I always think I can do something. You know, make a film, paint a canvass, write a story, construct a REAL ( truly creative, well-thought of...not just forming an excuse of free writing for bad poetry ) poem, dance interpretatively a rock song, or... build a school, create a business, employ people, marry a handsome, rich mate ^^. And when you look at me right now, I have gone as far as just 1 over 1,000 steps for my desired dreams. At least a step...^^

That is probably I get glued on art. I mean, I don’t call myself an artist ( although my artist friend and sister say I am ) but I am drawn to art. Art may have rules and all, but at least, through time, it is bound to be broken. As my favourite art theorist say, art is just like breathing or eating...everybody can do it. Maybe really, I love art because it makes you free. You are in control of the colors you choose, the texture of the painting, the symbolism, the message you may want to relay. You can even practice art just by the way you speak or the content of your words. Every form of an expression is an art; ergo, art makes you free.

So where am I going to this? Hmmm. I can say brave people are those who can express themselves for the purpose of a movement to their destiny. Not all artists are brave. Some artists ( who really are gifted ) lack courage, so they don’t excel. ( Ironically, some just uhm mediocre on the gift of artistry, struggle and are more courageous to do something to succeed ). At the end of the day, what counts is, are you doing your God-given purpose?

Ok back to boredom. When people get bored, they may get some good or bad idea. People go into a relationship with a lover...or will venture on a different career path...or go out, waste some money, and get wasted. But even in boredom, there is what I call the art of thinking Rationally and Wisely. Frankly speaking, I don’t get it that one talented,pretty, smart, loving, woman can just allow someone who cannot be loving ( plus not smart, talented, etc ) to break her heart. That I say, needs art. Gifts are just worthless when you throw them to the pigs.

Well, I am practicing my art of thinking rationally and wisely in this bored time. It takes more courage to clean my room, organize my finances, plan on my daily activities, etc...especially for a person like me who don’t do these things naturally , if not for the Opportunity of getting sick and staying home. ^^ At least, I am making small steps, and yes, moving to my desired destiny of becoming a businesswoman or a wife for that matter hehe. some small steps at a time. hehe